Gratuitous Cat Post

Behold El Magnifico {:-) We've had him (or is it the reverse?!) for two years now. He's always been a morning cat, but I've noticed he gets especially agitated if I have a classic 3AM low. Anyone else have a furball who can tell your blood sugar level, as if by magic?

Poor kitty, he isn't feeling well today, . Get well soon, my little beast...(If you like, check out his blog at http://vivaelmagnifico.blogspot.com/)

Eyeballs: Check

Continuing in the grand tradition set forth by fellow OC'ers Scott, Donna, Landileigh and Cara, I present my eyeballs for your consideration (eek!). My retinas, I am happy to report, are fine. There's no evidence of changes, the pesky microaneurysm in my left eye is gone, and my glaucoma pressure readings were 16 and 14. Woo hoo!

Wee Paws for Identification

Taking a break this week due to a busy work schedule. Will be back soon!

Friday Night Videos

Time for a lighter subject...

Ah, the saxophone, the staple of many a song in the 1980s. Something about those tunes lent themselves to the silky, sensual sound of a sax in the middle eight, coming back around near the end for a last round in the fading chorus. Of course, being a certifiable geek back then I just had to be in the band in high school...and guess what instrument I played?!

So here's to my old friend the alto sax, and to the good old days of playing along (quite badly, out of tune, and squeaking my reeds the whole time) with my favorite songs on the radio. Happy weekend, dear OC'ers!

Hall & Oates: "Maneater"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap-OO0xqTe4

Billy Joel: "New York State of Mind"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2ewog0EvSw

Duran Duran: "Rio"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpqFsKTHPio

Corey Hart: "Never Surrender"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIyv4drrgeo

Bruce Springsteen: "Dancing in the Dark"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk8VZgJkpeg

The Baby Dance

Warning: serious post ahead!

Being an anonymous blogger has its benefits. But I still struggle with revealing my thoughts on some topics, and this recent news is one of them. I've always had a very conflicted, highly personal opinion about having children; Nicole has broached this subject before, and some others have too. Here's my say.

I've never been told I couldn't have kids, but no one ever pretended it was an easy thing for a PWD to do. My family never really talked about it when I was first diagnosed; I think the then-imperfect tools for diabetes care posed enough of a daily struggle for them, and having 'the talk' with your teenager is tough without diabetes (!). In my 20s, I had the typical challenges of any young person nowadays trying to build a stable adult life for myself. Diabetes has always been happy to take advantage of any spare energy--or finances--I may have had along the way, but it didn't really stop me. Had I made it more of a priority to settle down back then, a baby or two (and a father!) might well have come along. I don't know if the ticking clock would have been louder had I not had diabetes; I just know that, for me, it wasn't in the cards at the time.


Since I've been married, people have asked me when I'm going to start a family. And this is when it gets difficult for me to write about the subject (even among you, my wonderful OC friends). I like to keep private things private, as they say, especially with such an intensely personal topic. But where diabetes is concerned, I'd have to say my outlook on having a baby is like my attitude toward a cure: a nice thought, and perhaps a possibility, but not something I actively seek out or wish for every day. God has already been kind to me, sparing my eyes and hands, my feet and life, especially after some rebellious younger years when I probably did fewer tests in a month than I do in a three-hour period nowadays.


I also don't know how fair it would be to a child to have me for a mother, someone who might become ill and be a burden to them, a weight on the whole family, or worse, leave them too young. And then there's the frenetic worrying, which occupies me too much of the time already. I would never forgive myself if a child of mine had to deal with diabetes too. All of the nightmarish possibilities down that path quickly drain my enthusiasm whenever I hold my little niece's hand, or smell her baby-soft hair. In my heart I think: I just can't. Every extra sip of water, every moment of fatigue, every ounce of lost weight would send me into a tailspin. I don't know how some mothers do it--in my own family, some have gone through pregnancies with gestational diabetes without so much as a follow-up for mom or baby, or a worry about a future monster lurking for both of them.


But I haven't closed the door, so to speak. I seek out God when this subject comes up, in public or private, and I pray for guidance. Sometimes even a control freak PWD like me realizes every decision may not be mine alone. I also don't want to cast a downer on the parents of kids with type 1 out there, especially those of little girls. Things have changed so quickly in the world of D care, it's no surprise children nowadays can achieve the kinds of A1Cs some grown-ups would love to have {:-) Everyone's journey is unique. And the same goes for my fellow OC'ers, who may have different views. Your diabetes may vary, of course. I just wish sometimes that I were braver about making decisions with mine, especially the big L-I-F-E ones. I wish I had the imagination to see a world with children as a real possibility instead of an abstract thought.

The Mind Reader

I'm not liking my numbers these days. It's nothing dramatic, but I'm spiking in the 200s after meals more often than I would like. Of course, all this started happening just after I caught myself thinking, "Wow, my averages look really good, I've really got my blood sugars under control."

It could be stress, or hormones, or the particular version of ick going around in my neck of the woods. But why is it that I suspect diabetes is able to read my thoughts and know when to throw me for a loop? How does it know when to pull a fast one on me? What is it about this disease that makes it such a head game?

Ugh...oh well, it's Monday. Here's to better days--and numbers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SJzeuqYqO0

Friday Night Videos

It seems the OC is in need of a little Zen this weekend, so I'm posting one of my absolute favorite songs from the 1980s--"Nightshift" by the Commodores. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlsfYDj2HWA