Dear Ma...

Today would have been your 63rd birthday. I have lost my eloquence since you've been gone, but here are some things I would have liked to say to you today...or any day.


I love you, and I am still your daughter.

P.S. You have a beautiful new granddaughter (and I a lovely niece) to add to our family happiness.

WDD 09: A Verse

The Magic Act

I enjoy it sometimes,
You not knowing.
The masquerade suits me
As I dance and sing
About you,
Looking for all the world
Like a happy clown, carefree.
And yet the strings
Invisible to you
Control my every move
As a merrionette.

Numbers up, numbers down,
The push and pull of unseen hands
But my performance belies.
Yes, I enjoy sometimes
This you not knowing,
Me feigning light
And concealing dark
As though it were effortless.

I prove myself wrong sometimes,
Dancing on the end of string
I believe there is no line.
Then the music stops,
The lights grow hot,
I stand, confused, wondering why
You have stopped applauding
And staring, you accuse.

If you knew
How hard I try
To make it seem so normal,
So nonchalant,
Perhaps you would find your tender side
And sympathize.
Perhaps you'd think
Or realize
That not all who dance are happy.
But it would rob my mask of me
My ability
To prove it to myself.

And this is why
Sometimes I dance
Secretly, knowingly,
With you watching,
Admiring,
Oblivious,
Yet at my side.

Dblog Day 2009

It is Dblog Day '09, and I am tired. Tired from being up all night treating stubborn lows, then the rebound high this morning that is still slowly floating down from the rafters. I am tired of Dex going off every ten minutes. Tired of pricking my fingers again and again, and taking shot after shot. Tired of looking at food like an adversary. Tired.

But I am here, and so are you, and so I am grateful. More than any of you will ever know.

Just...tired.

Bloggy Bits

Hello all,

Happy Monday! Catching up on a few items with this post. First off, my sincere apologies to Elizabeth Edelman for such a delay in reviewing the Nutrisystem samples she kindly sent me! I tried them a few weeks ago.

I sampled the soup and the heat & stir macaroni and cheese with meatballs. A friend tried the two entrees.

Like others commented, Nutrisystem packs quite a few carbs in their food. Here's a shot of the macaroni label:

Yep, that's 30g carbs in one little cup. Hmmm. I heated it up and noticed the "meatballs" were really small...like cat food size!

The taste...pretty unbearable. Even with a shot of Louisiana Hot Sauce, I couldn't save it. I hate to admit it went into the garbage after a couple bites. I didn't take pictures of the soup. Basically it was the same as the noodles--bad. My friend bravely tried one entree (turkey and noodles) and told me it wasn't bad, but tasted very starchy and wasn't satisfying. So sorry to say, as much as I appreciate Elizabeth's gesture, I won't be trying Nutrisystem again anytime soon!

In other news...I got to wear one of these over the weekend:

In an effort to get back in tune, I'm actively pursuing a Dexcom Seven Plus to help improve my control One of the rules with my health insurance is that you have to be "professionally monitored" via CGMS for a 72-hour period to prove the device is medically necessary. So, after meeting with the Dexcom rep this week, I was off to the races to get the ball rolling on one of my own.

So far I LOVE the Dexcom. I cannot believe how quickly you get used to checking and reacting to the trend information. It is unfathomable that there should even be a question about whether it is "necessary". It kept me basically in range all weekend. My 7-day meter average dropped 15 points too. It even woke me up when I was low at 4AM--which is one of my big reasons for wanting a CGMS. And wow, do carbs hit my system quickly. And double wow, in the morning they're raging through me...! So the dawn phenomenon and morning insulin resistance is real after all.

The only cons I found in my short acquaintance with Dex...accuracy definitely leaves something to be desired. The rep had already started the sensor before she put it on me, and she put it in a really awkward site on my upper abdomen (where I have scar tissue from MDIs). So I think that may have had something to do with why I was 30-60 points off all weekend. Only once did Dex and my meter agree. The trends were generally correct, though. It was weird to see the line tick up or down and realize "oh, that's what that feeling is". However there was at least one instance where Dex had me crusing safely at 99 mg/dl, when I suddenly started feeling confused and irritable...and sure enough, a fingerstick rang in at 58 mg/dl. Not good. Still, I hope Dexcom has good news for me in the coming weeks. I was sad to remove the sensor tonight, and already I feel naked without the extra protection.

Oh, and finally...I changed my lancet yesterday! (;-) Thanks for the reminder, Kelly!

(Next up...all by myself, literally and figuratively...)

Target Low

OK, I admit it...I love going to Target. It's one of my totally non-environmentally responsible, conspicuous consumption-laden, irresponsible-waste-of-time guilty pleasures. I love to meander around, taking my time looking at shiny things, trying on silly shoes and looking at purses and pocketbooks and the dollar items near the entrance. Oh, and buying things I actually need, like shampoo and cat food. I'm in good company here on the OC, at least (;-). But what is it with Target and lows?! Someone else (forgive me, I can't remember who) brought this up before...this happens to me every time I go there.

Case in point: last night. Entering the store, I was this number:

Which isn't bad for me after dinner. After wandering happily for a while, I suddenly felt hot and confused, trying to remember if I needed batteries or underwear. Sure enough, I dropped to this number:

I'm blaming the fact that I was in the Halloween candy aisle. Ugh!

#Nodday

Thanks to George, today is a celebration of things NOT about the big D. Here are a few of mine:

1. I looooove space. Ever since I was a little kid, I have been fascinated by it. I so want to go to one of the last Space Shuttle launches next year...til then, I hit this site every day or so, just to dream...
2. ..and then I click over to this site, which never fails to crack me up :-)
3. I also love the 1980s. I think I watched every TV show on this list. If I could I would stay home for two weeks straight and watch 'em all over again!
4. Being married to someone in IT just made me even more of a geek. My brother and I had a Tandy 1000 back in the day, and an Atari 2600 before that. I think this is one of the best sites for reviews. I spend way too much time on here at work, doing "research" ;-)
5. #4 explains why I also find myself here sometimes when the day is going slow
6. I'm also a news junkie...
7. ...and a science junkie...
8. ...and a bookworm, and I love to travel. If I do this someday, I'll be in heaven.
9. Speaking of travel and writing, I used to have many pen pals back in the '80s. I still keep in touch with a few, and one of them has been on some really cool trips this year.
10. A few years ago I volunteered for several theaters in Chicago. I did props and worked backstage. Apart from high school drama club, this was the first time I'd ever done anything on a play. I was hooked. There is nothing cooler than watching the house lights dim and hearing the story told, and imagining everything happening around you.

What are your non-D thoughts today, friends?

MeMe Monday: The Bing Edition

Haven't done one of these in a while. Thanks, Karen!

Kathy needs...

1. Kathy needs to be on Regis. (Um, okay, but only if I don't have to sit too close to him...)
2. Kathy needs to do more talk shows. (Why yes, I do! Considering I've done, um, none...!)
3. Kathy needs your support and your vote to make NABJ 360 work for you. (Uh...ok...?)
4. Kathy needs the help of power lesbians Melissa Etheridge and her wife Tammy. (You can never have too much help from power lesbians, if you ask me.)
5. Kathy needs to travel from Plymouth. (Rock? Massachusetts? England?)
6. Kathy needs a new car. She'd look good in this Mini Cooper... (Why yes, I do, and yes, I would. Maybe I can drive it from Plymouth!)
7. Kathy needs to grow up and act her age! (What else is new?!)
8. Kathy needs a helping hand financially. (Oh yes. Please make your check payable to...)
9. Kathy needs a break. (Don't I ever...!)
10. Kathy needs to lose weight .(Hey, that's getting a little personal--!)